Rings: Why oh Why did they make another one?

We all know and love the classic tale of Samara, the creepy video, and the even creepier voice that calls you after you watch it with her message of “Seven Days!” The original Japanese “Ringu” is a fabled classic, and the first Hollywood remake “The Ring,” was fantastically fabulous.

I still remember the first time I watched it, when Samara finally comes crawling out of the dripping, flooded TV. If that wasn’t a beautifully made classic scene of horror, I just don’t know what is. The Ring 2… well… I did watch it, but I can’t remember it so it must not have been that good.

Anyway, here comes along Rings, with a lot to live up to, honestly – despite the fact that we all know horror sequels are never any good. I still expect good fun though.

SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT.

Not that I’m spoiling much… just saving 2 hours of your life.

Opening scene: Some dude is on an airplane looking like he has a serious case of aviophobia, also known as fear of flying. To be fair, the plane is going through what seems to be some terrifying turbulence. When the girl on the next seat tries to comfort him, he discloses that he’s watched a video … blah blah blah… a call told him he has 7 days, now he just needs to survive the next 5 minutes. Unfortunately, he cannot keep his wits about him for that long and dashes off to the bathroom.

At this point, girl on seat next to him blabs to her friend that the “cute guy is a psycho.” Friend so happens to know the story of the Ring and how to cure him, hence dashes to the bathroom banging on the door telling him to make a copy. But--- it’s too late.

And too late it is, indeed. In the bathroom, “cute guy’s” nose starts to bleed. Out of the bathroom, all the airplane personal TVs switch to the classic image of the well. Now, dark water starts flowing out of the airplane bathroom, all the while, the plane is tossing and turning in the turbulence that could well be the storm of the century.

Don't just lie there -- run!!

“Cute guy” tumbles out of the bathroom. On his heels, in full view of all the terrified passengers: Samara begins her epic crawl.

I will say for the record: That scene was AWESOME. Full clip below:

Sadly, it all goes downhill after that.

The rest of the movie crawls at a snail’s pace, not just considering it’s a sequel to a horror flick. The story is neither intriguing or unique. In fact, it’s the same story as part 1! Girl tries to find out why Samara is such a sad tortured soul… follows her on a quest to find her final resting place… blah blah blah… literally the same story as part 1. Except part 1 was a gazillion times better.

So… bottom line. Boring movie. Same story as part one. Don’t waste your time. Oooh, and I almost forgot. The dumbest slogan ever. I can't think of it without LITERALLY laughing out loud. Are you ready? Rings: First you watch it, then you die. Yup, that's the slogan. hahahah.

But do watch the first scene. It's beautiful.

See, I didn't lie. It really is the slogan.

Final Rating: 2/10

Stupid and boring. Sorry, not sorry. 2 points for the opening scene, and also the upside down rain scene.

Distributed by: Paramount Pictures
Production Company: Parkes/MacDonald, BenderSpink, Marci/Edelstein, Vertigo Entertainment, Waddieish Claretrap
Director: F. Javier Gutierrez
Cast: Matilda Lutz, Alex Roe, Johnny Galecki, Vincent D’Onofrio, Aimee Teegarden, Bonnie Morgan
Producers: Laurie MacDonald, Walter F. Parkes
Music: Matthew Margeson

PG-13, 102 Minutes